


Ifs

by Blunderland



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, AsaNoya - Freeform, Birbs, Bokuaka - Freeform, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Ifs, KageHina - Freeform, Karasuno, KuroKen - Freeform, MY BABIES, More characters to come, Oneshot, Others - Freeform, Platonic Relationships, Scenarios, Tragedy, Volleyball, What-If, Why did I even write this?, aoba johsai, daisuga - Freeform, disclaimer: i do not own this amazing anime, ennotana - Freeform, iwaoi - Freeform, or romantic relationships, probably, reader gets to imagine, this is sad, trigger - Freeform, tsukkiyama - Freeform, volleyball dorks, worst case scenarios - Freeform, your choice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-08-27 03:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8386000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blunderland/pseuds/Blunderland
Summary: In the perfect world of Haikyuu, none of these scenarios should ever happen. But what if it does?A collection of Haikyuu!! oneshots.





	1. Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> C:  
> Hey there! Have a box of cookies!
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own this amazing anime.  
> Any songs (lyrics) used belong to its respective owner.  
> Same goes for definitions (if any).

King of the Court.

It was a title given to him by his former teammates due to his rather…dominating nature. He was, without a doubt, a talented and genius setter however, Kageyama wasn't exactly the friendliest person in the room. In fact, for him to be considered as anyone's friend seemed far from possible.

He was demanding. Oppressive, controlling, unapproachable, and every other word synonymous to being a tyrant described the dark-haired teen and because of this, everyone from his team distanced themselves from him hence Kageyama's other nickname: the solitary king.

To be referred and treated as such became a burden and it intensified during one time at a competition wherein Kageyama tossed the volleyball and only to hear the sound of said object hitting the floor. The genius setter turned around and saw no one was there to hit his perfect toss. His teammates were gathered together while shooting him a look of disdain; even the coach gave him a look of disapproval as he told the dark-haired teen to go sit on the bench. He was too much for everyone.

…

_"We're not following you anymore."_

…

Was he really just that – an oppressive ruler of the volleyball court whose tosses could never be reached by anyone? Was he going to stay that way forever – alone and untouchable?

_"I'M HERE! I'LL SPIKE AT YOUR TOSSES!"_

Then came Hinata Shouyou. That orange-haired shorty defied everything anyone said about Kageyama being superior and feared. The ultimate decoy was one of the few, if not, the only person unafraid to knock some sense into the setter regardless of being hit on the head or being called 'dumbass!' by said setter. Hinata dared challenge Kageyama into being the best (despite being teary-eyed and shaky) and the little brat even proclaimed that he would defeat the taller male in volleyball.

Things did not go as planned when the two found themselves standing on the same side of the court. Their bickering did not end though, and the freak duo could be found racing against each other to see who was the fastest, much to the annoyance of a certain blond middle blocker but it didn't matter. They brought out each other's competitive side and they had this connection which couldn't be fully explained yet they understood one another and what they were thinking. Kageyama would hit Hinata's head whenever the short male felt insecure, and Hinata would yell at the dark-haired teen whenever unwanted thoughts of the past filled the setter's mind. They had an uncanny relationship but one thing was for sure:

Together, they were invincible.

_'That's right.'_ Kageyama thought. _'You don't win alone.'_

The setter made a perfect toss waiting to be spiked by the one person he never thought would be his greatest ally. Hinata would never allow Kageyama's tosses to go wasted and the latter would perform to the best of his ability to bring out the shorter male's true strength as the team's ultimate decoy

Kageyama waited for the sound of powerful impact and yet the only sound he heard was that of the ball bouncing off the floor.

…

Oh. _He's not here._

Realization dawned on him as he went to pick up the volleyball.

_'Hinata's not here anymore.'_

Kageyama exited the gym and walked home alone. He frowned.

The night was too quiet for his liking…

…yet he knew he had to get used to it.


	2. Missed

Daichi sighed for the umpteenth time today.

Being the captain of the volleyball club, it was his job to ensure that everyone would be in their best condition, and of course, to keep the team from causing any more havoc. Today was no different: Hinata and Kageyama were calling each other names while Yachi tried to calm them down, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were snickering at the freak duo, Tanaka and Nishinoya were up to their antics in wooing – and failing – Kiyoko, and Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita were minding their own business. It didn't help that Ukai and Takeda weren't around due to their obligations outside the club so Daichi had to handle this mess himself.

Before he could reprimand the others, a hand placed itself on the captain's shoulder. The teen expected to see his trusty vice-captain, but instead he saw the friendly face of Karasuno's ace.

"Don't stress yourself too much." Asahi advised.

Daichi grinned at the gesture and nodded. Any act of concern was enough to make him last any hectic day and he was willing to take it from anyone.

Karasuno's captain faced his team with a stern expression. "Alright, everyone! Listen up!"

The hours seemed to fly as the crows went on with their practice after some discipline from the angered 3rd year. The time to go home came and the Karasuno team were packing their things.

"Are you sure you don't want any company?" Asahi asked after Daichi exclaimed that he would stay to clean up.

The male in question grinned. "I got the company I need."

The ace furrowed his eyebrows. "Just…don't stay too late."

The team bid their captain goodbye before heading outside the gym. Once they were out of sight, the remaining member went to pick up any stray volleyball and proceeded to the storage closet where he fixed anything that seemed out of place.

"Rough day, huh?"

Daichi didn't even have to turn around to identify whose voice it was.

"Yeah, but hasn't it always?" He exclaimed. "Although, it would have been much better if you were there beside me, Suga."

The vice-captain chuckled. "But I'm always beside you."

"Are you now?" Daichi asked.

It was silent for a wee moment before the other responded. "…yeah."

Daichi still hadn't looked at his companion as he counted the storage inventory before grabbing a mop to clean the gym floor.

"Daichi."

"Hmm?"

"Please don't be too hard on yourself."

Karasuno's captain stopped his actions and let out a shaky sigh. Of all gestures he was shown with, it would always be Sugawara's that had an impact on him. They were really close friends and had always been together since they first joined the volleyball team so no one knew him better than the cheery brown-eyed male. Daichi wasn't saying that his other fellow 3rd year, Asahi, wasn't a good friend (he certainly was) but the glass-heart giant appeared to be fearful of him. Only Sugawara had some kind of immunity against Daichi's scary captain aura.

"You have to be strong." Suga continued. "You are the captain."

Daichi hung his head low and resumed mopping a certain spot even though it was already clean. "I know."

As he stayed at the same location, droplets of water fell on the floor.

"Daichi?"

Said person gulped in air before speaking. "You'll always be my vice-captain, Suga. Always. Even if someone has to take that place, even if everyone else forgot about you, and even if you're not walking beside me anymore…you'll always be the best for me."

"…"

No one from both parties said anything after that and allowed silence (and the almost inaudible pitter-patter of water hitting the floor) to take over. Daichi could only imagine the surprised look on Suga's face before the latter would crack a smile because that was all Daichi could do.

It was all he could do now.

"I miss you, Daichi."

More water droplets landed on the floor as the once strong captain finally fell on his knees and allowed his state of vulnerability to take over. The teen wiped off the tears in his eyes but the waterworks continued to flow.

"I miss you too, Suga." Daichi said, perfectly aware that for the entire time he spent inside the gym, he was alone and was talking to the wind.

...

If Sugawara was there, he knew what to do.

…

But he wasn't. Not anymore and not for years to come.


	3. Pictures

“Hey, Iwa-chan!”

“What?”

“Smile!!!”

Aoba Johsai’s #1 and #4: they were in perfect sync. For a mere stranger, it was hard to believe such statement since one of them looked like he would murder the other any time soon if it weren’t for his teammates. The other guy seemed like he wanted to get on the vice-captain’s nerves and was amused by it. However, despite the occasional mischief and beatings, they found strength in each other and it was enough to keep their friendship going.

Iwaizumi frowned once he was caught in a candid photo, courtesy of Oikawa. The duo had just finished school and was walking home together. As usual, Oikawa was being annoying so Iwaizumi had to buy the captain milk bread in hopes that he would shut up. It worked, until the brown-haired male finished the treat and resumed with his tricks.

“Would you cut it out, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi snapped. “Stop taking pictures of useless crap!”

Oikawa gasped dramatically. “Iwa-chan! How could you say that!? You’re one of the pictures here, you know!”

“I only meant you…” The vice-captain grumbled.

“So mean, Iwa-chan!” The brown-haired teen pouted childishly before he went back to his usual disposition. “Say, Iwa-chan?”

“What is it now?”

“We’ll still see each other again, right?” Oikawa asked. “Even in college, we’ll find time to hang-out, okay?”

“I was kind of hoping to get away from you…”

“Iwa-chan!!”

Iwaizumi chuckled at his dejected friend before he smiled that rare smile of his. “Idiot. I was only kidding. Of course we’ll hang-out!”

Upon hearing so, Oikawa grinned and proceeded to take a picture with his best friend.

“What was that for?” The ace asked.

“Just something to remind us of this day.” The other replied nonchalantly. “I want to be able to look back on these moments.”

Deep down, Aoba Johasai’s #4 couldn’t help but be amazed by his captain’s gentler side. “Such a sap…is that why girls are fawning over you?”

Oikawa feigned an offended look. “Of course not! I am liked for who I am!”

“Pfft. Whatever.” Iwaizumi smirked. “You’re still trash to me.”

“HEY!”

The two continued their way and came across a highway. It wasn’t as busy as it usually was so Oikawa urged his companion to cross it.

“Are you **insane**!? We could get run over!” The other exclaimed.

“There aren’t any cars or trucks around! C’mon!” Oikawa said as he pulled the teen’s arm.

Sighing in defeat, Iwaizumi complied with the bubbly captain’s request.

 _‘I swear – he’s going to be the death of me!’_ The ace miserably thought.

As they were crossing, Iwaizumi (being the one with better eyesight) spotted the outline of a vehicle heading their way. It was a truck – and it was fast approaching. He forced his companion to walk quicker and he even signalled the truck to stop, but to no avail. The ace noticed that the driving was unsteady so he concluded that the driver might be drunk.

 _‘Damn this highway!’_ “Hurry up, Trashykawa!”

The truck was nearing and just as he thought they were in the clear, the vehicle swayed at their direction in one fast motion. Instinctively, Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa to safer grounds as the vice-captain faced what could be his early departure from the living.

“ **HAJIME!!!** ”

At the shout of his name, everything played like a video set in slow motion and Iwaizumi’s life started to flash before his eyes. From the time he celebrated his 4th birthday, to the time he first joined the volleyball club, and to the time where he found himself walking home from school and crossed the damn highway despite his better judgment. More memories played in his mind and in each of it, of the many who came and went, he found one person who managed to stay as a constant in his life regardless whether the situation had been good or bad.

And that person was his best friend, Oikawa Tooru.

 _‘Sorry, Oikawa.’_ Iwaizumi thought. _‘I guess we won’t be hanging out after all.’_

Funny how they had been talking about spending time together despite going to different universities and the next thing they knew, one of them was going to die young.

_“Sorry…”_

Life was full of unexpected twists and turns, which was why Iwaizumi found himself visiting the grave of his dear friend a year later. He sat across the tombstone while he narrated the events that took place for the day.

“I visited our high school today and the volleyball club got new recruits. The first years seemed promising and Kindaichi’s a good captain.” The former vice-captain exclaimed. “College isn’t as bad as we used to think, although I feel like it’s missing something.”

_It’s missing you._

No response as expected. No loud mention of ‘Iwa-chan!’ either.

“Why’d you have to do what you did, Tooru? Why’d you have to play the hero?” Iwaizumi said softly.

He could still remember the day of the accident and how Oikawa reached for his hand and traded places with him at the very last second. The former ace’s eyes widened in horror as he witnessed his best friend – whom he thought would stay a constant in his life – being taken away for good. If it were the opposite, where Iwaizumi was safe and Oikawa was in peril, the former would do the same and switch their places. After all, they were in sync, even in their way of thinking.

Sighing, Iwaizumi stood up and left. As he was walking the path he and Oikawa used to take, a small smile managed to form on his face upon passing a certain spot. It was as if he could still hear the elated voice of Oikawa as the brown-haired male took out his phone to capture a picture of the other.

_“Hey, Iwa-chan! Smile!”_


	4. My Little Sunshine

_“If we fall, let’s fall forward!”_

…

Practices had been quiet nowadays. Everyone was aware of that, yet all of them refused to point it out. The only sound which caused a ruckus inside the gymnasium was the noise the volleyballs made upon being spiked. Even the freak duo and Tanaka were oddly silent: the trio were usually loud, but recently, they were the exact opposite. Nevertheless, the members of the Karasuno volleyball club carried out their practices well although it wasn’t the same with the absence of a certain someone.

Without him, everyday seemed much too ordinary.

“Everyone, that’s enough for today!” Ukai announced. He knew what the others were experiencing and he didn’t blame them. On his part, he had to re-strategize since they were down with one crucial player.

The team went to pack their belongings and helped in cleaning the gym before it was locked up. They bid each other goodbye before heading towards their respective destinations.

“Hey, Asahi-san.” Tanaka began.

The ace faced his companion. “Hmm? What is it?”

“I wouldn’t be able to join you today. Sis needs my help with some job.” The younger explained and frowned. “Please tell him that I’m sorry. I really want to visit him but there’s been a conflict and – “

“I’ll tell him, don’t worry.” Asahi reassured. “He’s not going away anytime soon.” _Who was I kidding?_

Tanaka looked like he was desperately fighting off the tears that threatened to form on the corner of his eyes. The soon-to-be ace handed his senior a small plastic bag which contained two packs of garigari-kun soda ice cream.

“Then please give this to Noya-san!”

“I will.” The glass-heart giant said. “I better go now.”

After parting ways with Tanaka, Asahi hurriedly made his way to the hospital. The weather was fine yet he wouldn’t risk having the libero’s favourite treat melting.

 _‘It’s a lot quieter without him around.’_ Asahi thought. _‘Everyone else knows this…but,’_

Nobody wanted to believe it. No one wanted to believe that someone in the team was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness – especially not Nishinoya, their ever-so energetic libero and guardian deity. Everyone wished it was just a joke cruelly uttered but alas, reality hit the team hard once they found themselves practicing without their libero.

They had to make huge adjustments and it wasn’t easy. As for Asahi, it took him a while to get used to Yuu’s absence. Karasuno’s ace had to constantly remind his self not to screw up so much with his spikes because Nishinoya wouldn’t be around screaming rolling thunder while diving to save the ball from touching the ground. With his life outside of volleyball, Asahi had to toughen up and looked at things more positively (with occasional help from Sugawara). Every time Asahi felt discouraged, Nishinoya’s words of motivation would resonate inside the ace’s mind until he was calm once more. Asahi felt like Nishinoya was just standing in front of him, the libero sporting his signature grin while exclaiming that no one would have to worry because he has their backs.

…

Nishinoya’s positivity was so remarkable, he made everything seem conquerable.

The glass-heart giant finally arrived at the hospital and went up to Yuu’s room. The libero was alone and was staring out the window but he immediately broke into a smile upon seeing his teammate.

“Asahi-san!”

Aforementioned teen smiled. “Hello, Nishinoya. Ah, these are from Tanaka. He couldn’t be here since he had to help his sister.”

Nishinoya’s eye gleamed upon seeing the cold delicacy and he would have bounced out of the hospital bed to retrieve his precious soda ice cream if it weren’t for the medical equipment hooked onto him. The duo talked – Asahi on how school and volleyball practice went and Noya on how boring his situation was – until it was near dawn.

“I don’t have a lot to do here except eat and sleep.” The shorter complained and gasped. “What if I’ll lose my muscular physique? Kiyoko-san will never love me!”

Asahi laughed. “I don’t think that’ll happen. What else have you been doing?”

Nishinoya crossed his arms. “Like what I’ve said, not a lot. I listen to music on the radio although I think it’s stuck on a station that plays Western songs.”

“…would’ve helped with your English class.” Asahi commented.

“I thought so too! Anyway, there’s this one song that I liked. The lyrics were simple enough so I had no trouble understanding.” Noya exclaimed proudly. “I might even win the heart of Kiyoko-san if I serenaded her! Ah, can you please turn the radio on? It usually plays about now.”

Asahi complied with the younger’s request and went to play the radio. A happy, country tune began to fill the room.

_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

_You’ll never know, dear,_

_How much I love you_

_Please don’t take my sunshine away_

Nishinoya was right about the song being simple because Asahi didn’t have trouble understanding the lyrics. The ace couldn’t help but smile upon seeing the libero gleefully singing along.

_The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping_

_I dreamt I held you in my arms_

_But when I woke, dear, I was mistaken_

_So I hung my head and cried_

_‘Now that’s just sad.’_ Asahi thought. The song sounded jolly enough but the more he listened to it, the more heart-wrenching the song became. Majority of the lyrics were repetitive and he was so engrossed with the music Asahi unconsciously sung along, unaware of Noya who paid attention to him. Somehow, the gentle giant felt like he was the one pleading the world not to take the person closest to his heart; he would trade anything just to keep Karasuno’s guardian deity.

If only he knew how much Nishinoya wanted to stay, even for just a while longer.

_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

_You’ll never know, dear,_

_How much I love you_

Asahi stopped upon realizing that Nishinoya had gotten quiet. The song had ended but it felt like it was still playing inside the ace’s mind. Despite the pale skin and the medical equipment surrounding him, Karasuno’s libero still shone radiantly and looked like nothing could hold him down, not even his illness which was slowly killing him inside.

“…”

It was at that moment Asahi knew how big of a deal he was going to lose.

Beaming brightly at him, Nishinoya urged the other to finish the song.

“Go on…sing the last bit!”

How could Asahi say no to that face which lit up the world? Lit up **HIS** world?

Swallowing the lump on his throat, the glass-heart giant held his friend’s hand and looked out the window.

The sun was slowly setting and it won’t be long before the night would take over.

Noya’s hand was getting colder. Asahi tightened his grip.

He doesn’t have much time left: this was all that was given to them and the ace wished time had been kinder.

The libero’s eyes slowly closed, in synced with the setting sun, as Asahi tearfully sung the ending.

_“…please don’t take my sunshine away.”_

 


	5. Game Over

He wasn’t sure when he got here, but the blinding lights and the green walls coupled with the people in white indicated that he was in the hospital being rushed into who-knows-where. The teen tried to move a muscle, but only to fail and cough up what he presumed was blood due to the taste. His weak and blurry vision attempted to scan the area and saw exactly where he was heading to: the emergency room.

This was a far cry from his original destination. He, along with the rest of the Nekoma volleyball team, was bound for a trip to Miyagi due to a practice match against their long-time rival, Karasuno. Everyone was looking forward to the game although it was not obvious since majority of the team were snoozing away. The travel to Miyagi was long so they had to leave during the wee hours of the morning thus their sleepy forms. Of course, not everyone was sound asleep and some couldn’t fall asleep, especially not Kenma since the poor boy was constantly bombarded with questions, thanks to Lev. The much taller teen was finally hushed – thank goodness! – by a kick from a very annoyed Yaku before the libero grabbed his junior by the ear and dragged Lev to his seat. Kenma sighed in relief then turned to glare at his chuckling companion.

“What?” He asked.

“He’s really found of you, isn’t he?” Kuroo stated with his signature smirk.

Kenma, however, merely shrugged and turned to face the window. Everything was going fast – from this trip to volleyball games – and it won’t be long until the 3rd years would graduate. With that inevitable event in mind, Kenma wondered what he would do next, especially without Kuroo to pester him into doing something (Lev also had that job but those two tall players were different). It had always been his childhood friend that brought the pudding-head out of his shell, even for just a quick while. Kenma swore he wouldn’t even be here, much less join the volleyball team, if it weren’t for the older male.

What would Kenma do after the school year ends? Would he even continue playing volleyball for the team? Who was he going to hang-out with?

 _‘I don’t know.’_ The setter thought. _‘I really don’t.’_

With that, Kenma yawned and drifted to sleep.

…

…

_‘What’s that sound?’_

…

In a blink of an eye, Kenma found himself on a hospital bed, his body bloody and bruised. Too injured to move, Nekoma’s setter focused on the voices of the doctors and nurses. Apparently, their bus went toppling down a cliff due to a miscalculated turn hence resulting to the situation he was currently in.

_‘Wait…what about the others?’_

_“Doctor, he’s losing a lot of blood!”_

Ah, that explained his light-headedness.

_“His right arm and leg are broken! We need operation **STAT**!”_

Oh, that explained why his right side hurt.

_“Doctor! We’re **losing** him!!!”_

…

Oh. Was that why Kenma felt like dying?

…

Gradually, his vision went black.

But he wasn’t dead.

He heard voices, one of which was a distinct tone.

_“But sir! It’s too risky!”_

_“It doesn’t matter! Just do it!”_

_“Sir, you lost a lot of blood as well! If this continues, you could – “_

_“I don’t care! Just let him live!”_

…

Kenma woke up and was greeted by the grinning face of Kuroo.

“Kuroo?” The shorter male mumbled.

“Welcome back, sleeping beauty.” The captain began.

Kenma noticed the tube connecting them and frowned.

“What is happening?” He asked.

“Blood transfusion. You need all the RBC, WBC, plasma, and platelets if you’re going to live.” Kuroo replied nonchalantly.

Kenma eyed his teammate and realized they were just in the same condition, only he had it worse compared to Kuroo. Nevertheless, the captain was in bad shape.

“W-Why?”

The black-haired teen had the guts to smirk. “I’ve always been a nice person.”

“This is not the time to be joking. Kuroo…you could die.” The setter pointed out, to which the other shrugged.

“Yeah, but then you’ll live.” The older male exclaimed. “You can replace the captain and middle blocker, but not the setter…for he is the brain, the backbone, and the heart of this team.”

“Well, what does that make you!?” Kenma asked, starting to go out of character.

The middle blocker simply smiled – a pure, good-natured one – at the pudding head.

“Your one good friend.”

Regardless of the blood smeared on his face and the scrapes and bruises from the fall, Nekoma’s captain still managed to act like his usual sly self and recited a speech he knew too well.

“We’re like the blood in our veins.”

Kenma felt his face twist in accordance to his emotions, which were a mix of anger, horror, and desperation.

“Kuroo, no.”

The taller male ignored the other’s protest and continued, “We must flow without stopping.”

This time around, Kenma began to panic and a nurse had to hold him down.

“Stop it, Kuroo!”

“…keep the oxygen moving..”

The setter’s eyes widened and for the many times in his life where he was companionless, this was the first time he felt truly alone.

_I’m losing my only friend._

“Kuroo…” Kenma muttered, the emotional turmoil escaping as tears.

“Keep the oxygen m-moving…and your mind working.”

Those last words were whispered as the other slowly succumbed into a perpetual slumber.

…

“Kuroo?”

“…”

“…why’d you keep on using that speech?” The setter said, finding it hard to accept the absence of animation in his companion. “You sound ridiculous.”

Kenma never liked Kuroo’s mantra. It was rare for him to greatly detest something, but it finally came to a point where he hated it.

He hated that those were the last things he’d hear from Kuroo.

He hated that they were thrown into this ugly situation instead of a safe arrival.

He hated that Kuroo was so persistent and Kenma hated himself for being weak.

Most of all,

He hated that only one of them survived the crash.

_“Baka.”_

He was all alone.


	6. Saudade

“Alright, class, don’t forget about the assignment I gave you. You are now dismissed.”

The moment their college professor said those words, the first year students packed their belongings and went out of the room. Among those students was the former pinch server of Karasuno who was hastily stuffing his notebook inside his bag. In a heap, the young man dashed out of the classroom and headed for the train station. As he boarded the bullet train, the smile on his face grew since he was to meet up with a certain tall blond who possessed a salty attitude and the ability to push everyone’s buttons. Nevertheless, he was a great friend.

Well, at least to Yamaguchi.

 _‘I wonder if he’s there already?’_ Yamaguchi thought before he chuckled. _‘What am I even thinking that for? Of course he’s there!’_

Since they belonged to a college prep class in high school, the two had their minds set on the university they wanted to attend, which was to say, were different and had sort of a distance. Even so, Tadashi would still go and visit Tsukki after class; this was a routine he had at the start of college. Every day, he and the former middle-blocker would meet up and Yamaguchi would ramble about his day while Tsukishima listened and occasionally gave advice.

_‘Huh…Tsukki and advice. Weird mix.’_

If Kageyama and Hinata were to hear this, they would NEVER believe him. Kei wasn’t the friendliest person on earth and the level of sass this boy has should be considered legendary, more so when he was pissing off opponents during volleyball matches. Speaking of volleyball, Tadashi and Kei didn’t pursue the sport in college although the blond did receive a scholarship for it in another university. Their more enthusiastic counterparts, Hinata and Kageyama, were still about the ball being life. The genius setter and the ultimate decoy were well-known and were taken as a set by one university, much to everyone’s amusement. They kept in touch with each other, and it was both hilarious and sad to know that the freak duo still struggled with some classes.

 _“We passed!  By a thread, but passed anyway. And that’s all that mattered.”_ were the words said by Hinata after he and Kageyama received their midterm grades.

Yamaguchi’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone. The lovable male took out his gadget and expected to receive an impatient text from Kei; however, it was from another blonde – Yachi Hitoka, Karasuno’s former manager. Yachi was also part of a college prep class and she was accepted into a good university which, surprisingly, was the same one Kiyoko was attending.

Her text read: **_Help! Kiyoko-senpai isn’t around and Kuroo-san’s talking to me again! What do I do???_**

Yamaguchi chuckled upon seeing the blonde’s panicked text. Apparently, the former captain of Nekoma had his eyes set on her but Yachi interpreted it as her doing something that had irked him so the cat with the bedhead hair was out to make her life miserable. Oh Yachi.

Yamaguchi sent his reply before his mind drifted again. Thankfully, the train wasn’t packed so he was seated comfortably. His eyes scanned the area and stopped at two familiar faces. On the far from where he was sitting were the former volleyball players of Seijoh chatting and grinning – Hanamaki and Matsukawa, was it? Yamaguchi wasn’t very acquainted with them but he and Hanamaki sometimes ran into each other at the library. He never saw the black-haired male on campus so he guessed Matsukawa was attending a different university. Still, those two seemed like they only parted yesterday.

 _‘They’re kind of like me and Tsukki…only they’re not.’_ Yamaguchi thought before closing his eyes for a quick nap.

A few minutes later, Yamaguchi arrived at his destination. The young man walked the peaceful streets until he saw the tall male leaning against the trunk of a sakura tree.

“TSUKKI!!!” Tadashi happily called the other as he dashed towards him.

Tsukishima simply took off his headphones. “About time you showed up.”

“Ehe…gomen, Tsukki.” Tadashi apologized sheepishly. “How are you?”

The dinosaur-loving blond shrugged. “Just the usual. How were your classes today?”

“Great! Ah, our literature professor gave us an assignment. We’re supposed to write free verse poetry. I haven’t started since I couldn’t think of anything…”

“I see.”

The shorter male turned to his companion. “What would you write about, Tsukki? I’m sure you’d have an idea.”

“Can’t say.” Tsukishima answered. “Don’t you need inspiration to do something such as writing?”

“Does that roughly translate to you needing an inspiration? How unlike you, Tsukki!”

That sentence earned a glare from Tsukishima thus prompting Yamaguchi to go “gomen, Tsukki!” before the taller male softened his gaze. No matter how provoked he was, Tsukishima couldn’t stay mad at his childhood friend. Yamaguchi was the only one who could knock some sense into Kei’s stubborn head without fearing for his life. Perhaps it was because they had known each other the longest so they were quite accustomed to each other.

Whatever the reason was, Tsukishima would know but he would never admit it out loud. Besides, he doesn’t wasn’t Yamaguchi to blurt out unnecessary praises like the boy normally did.

“You aren’t completely wrong.” Kei began, stuffing his hands inside his pockets. “I’m not the most inspired person in the room and I can’t find a reason why I should be. Putting effort into something temporary sounds like a waste of time, but…it’s a mystery why I remained in the volleyball club back then. Frankly, I thought I would quit after the first year. After all, it was just a club.”

“Well you didn’t and you managed to block Shiratorizawa’s ace _aaannd_ went to nationals with the rest of the team! You would’ve quit any time you wanted yet you stuck around even until our third year!” Yamaguchi exclaimed. “Was it because of that one block? Which was still the coolest by the way. Is that something you hold on to?”

“Maybe.” Kei replied. He remembered Bokuto’s words of unlikely wisdom and, despite how wacky the older male’s mood was, Fukurodani’s former ace was right about “that moment.”

“You could use that too.” Tsukishima thought aloud.

“Huh? Use what, Tsukki?”

“Something you hold on to.”

With nothing but an astonished look from his friend, the blond dismissed the idea.

“Nevermind. Forget what I just said…it sounded stupid.” Tsukishima began. “You should go home now. It’s getting late.”

Yamaguchi’s smile faltered a bit. “…alright.”

Hearing the disappointment in his voice, Kei said, “What are you sulking about? We’ll meet again tomorrow.”

That seemed to cheer up the other. “And the day after that?”

“Yeah.” Tsukishima replied with a ghost of a smile. “Now move along. I gotta be somewhere.”

“Where to, Tsukki?”

The blond scoffed playfully. “The same place I always go to.”

With that, Yamaguchi watched him walk away until Tsukishima’s figure was nowhere to be seen.

_See you tomorrow. In the same place we always meet at._

Next day came and Yamaguchi found himself standing in front of the class to deliver what he came up for his free verse poetry. Right after he parted ways with Tsukishima, the former pinch server’s thoughts were flooded by strings of words which he sewed into a sentence and then formed it into a poem. Whether Tsukki knew it or not, Tadashi took the other’s words and used something he held on to as fuel for inspiration.

“This is entitled _Saudade._ ”

After he finished his work, Yamaguchi had to do some research for the title. He debated between _As Petals Fall_ or _The Day You Went Away_ but Yamaguchi decided on a title that was short yet had a lot of meaning to it, so he settled for Saudade, which was defined by Dictionary.com as a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent.

In other words, what Yamaguchi felt when he lost Tsukishima.

“Interesting title, Yamaguchi-san. Why did you choose this particular title?” Asked his professor.

The male in question fought, with all his might, the painful tug on his chest. Being asked why and having to recall that night brought him back to the reality where the person he constantly visited was nothing more than a memory and the times they spent under the sakura tree were dreams he had when he fell asleep on his way home.

“It…It reminded me of someone I hold dear and now had lost.” Yamaguchi replied. Clearing his throat, he read his poem:

“No longer can seconds be counted

For I am a broken clock

Stuck in a time too vivid, too vivid to let go

You told me to find that moment

And this – this is what I’ve got

Late one night, the moon was snatched away

After that, no stars twinkled the same

That moment became stagnant, so still

And I’ve been thrown into that moment

Now I find myself walking

The path built by longing

Hoping to see a familiar face – a face I see everyday

So melancholy took me by the hand and led me to a place

Where petals fall and where I lost you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, I came up with that free verse and no, that isn't the best I can do :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	7. An Apology

The crowd roared in excitement as another spike broke through the wall built by outstretched arms of our opponents. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride upon seeing our little giant owning the court. Of course, Hinata’s much improved spikes were made possible by Kageyama’s flawless sets and their strengthened teamwork and coordination. They still bickered, which was nothing new, but it wasn’t something that couldn’t be handled by a single look from me. A simple narrowing of the eyes was enough to make those simpletons shut up and focus on the match. Amongst other things, I had mastered the art of the ‘scary captain look’ Daichi used on us during his time. He definitely was a great captain. He was with Sugawara-san and Asahi-san, and they were seated with other spectators. Karasuno had made quite a comeback since their time and many were eager to see what the new team had in store.

I checked the scores and we were at set point. It only took a service ace from Yamaguchi, who by the way developed into a fearless player, for the team to win the first set. Everyone cheered – their spirits high and their game strong. Even Tsukishima, our vice-captain, grinned a little at our winning atmosphere. Seeing the team pumped up for the match somehow made me relieved. It was my assurance that this win was ours.

The game for the second set started with Kinoshita as the server. He effectively sent the ball to our opponent’s setter which threw them off their stance. However, their ace was able to spike it past our middle blockers thus earning them the first point.

“Don’t mind!” I called out to my team. “We’ll get the next one!”

“OSU!!!”

My team answered in unison as they readied themselves for the other team’s serve which was a float serve. In a blink of an eye, Nishinoya dashed to save the ball and sent it to Kageyama. Hinata’s still the team’s ultimate decoy because the opposing team went after him, thinking he was going to do another quick. They didn’t anticipate Kageyama doing a dump shot so the point went to us.

Our opponents raised their guards during this set. As for us, we had to increase our offensive power as well as our defence since the other team was chasing against our score. Coach Ukai called for a time-out and we used it to re-strategize. While our coach and Tsukishima planned what technique to use, I looked at the score board and sighed. _21-20_. We were leading by _a point_. I couldn’t help but think that perhaps we would be at set point by now if we only had our ace.  After Asahi-san, no one else could take such role. The title of ace could have been given to Hinata, yet the short male still lacked power that could break through all sorts of blocks – something you could’ve accomplished easily.

The referee blew his whistle which meant that break time was over. We scored a point thanks to our new strategy but out opponents were quick to read what we had planned so they were able to score during the next one. Narita had to sub in for Hinata which gained us the lead since the current rotation had Narita and Kageyama up front. All was going well until their ace delivered a powerful blow. My lack of better judgement had the ball fall short; however, our ever reliable guardian deity saved the ball and had it go up to the perfect height. Narita spiked it and won us the match. The crowd applauded and a number gave us a standing ovation. I could see our seniors grinning with much enthusiasm too.

Our team cheered, although I was certain that most of us were more relieved. We thanked the other team for a good match before we went ahead to prepare for the next game. As always, I let out a sigh I’ve been holding on to after the last match. It was amazing how Daichi stayed calm and collected; total captain material. I have yet to know his ways. I shouldn’t be anxious over not having a legit ace.

_Not having you._

Caught up in my sea of thoughts, I failed to notice the calculating stare of Karasuno’s vice-captain.

“Thinking about how things would go if Tanaka-san was here, Ennoshita-san?” Tsukishima began.

“Yeah.” I replied. I wasn’t in denial. “I am.”

I never stopped thinking about the possibilities if you were still with us. Sure – you and Nishinoya (and maybe Hinata) would make LOTS of noise and buffoonery but admittedly, those were things I’d gladly endure.

…

Remember when I jokingly said that I’d take your place as a regular? Well, joke’s on me because I did, but it wasn’t as satisfying as I thought.

…

I should apologize.

But I know I’d never hear a reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be honest - you thought I was apologizing for either of the two reasons: I'd be discontinuing this fanfic or I finally felt sorry for killing off your beloved bias(es).
> 
> Not a chance to any of those two reasons :)
> 
> Hello dear reader! You must really love to torture yourself if you kept coming back for this. If possible, I'd give you a box of pizza for your bravery.
> 
> Funny thing about this scenario: the draft looked like it was written by a drunkard. Like wtf? Trust me - this is way better than the crappy draft despite being short.
> 
> Well, thanks for reading! Until the next one~


	8. Million Reasons

 

 _Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare_ _  
_ _It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware_

 

 

Repetitive: a word which described the life of Akaashi Keiji. Everything had been a cycle and all had stayed the same. Every morning, Akaashi would rise to the sound of his alarm going off then he would take a quick shower before eating a well-balanced meal his mother had prepared. After that, he would brush his teeth and he’d get dressed for school, and then waited for the sound of the doorbell. For reasons unexplained, Bokuto insisted that they should walk to school together. Akaashi sighed. Perhaps his life wasn’t so repetitious, especially with Bokuto around.

 _‘Since when was his house near mine?’_ The setter thought as he tied his tie.

He wasn’t against the idea of having Bokuto around; after all, Akaashi had come to accept his companionship and, to an extent, considered the other male his friend. The black-haired teen wasn’t entirely sure how to handle his senior at first, more so since his usual lifestyle had been greatly altered with the appearance of the wild captain. Life had been so repetitious that he wasn’t expecting something new.

“….”

Akaashi briefly wondered why he was in this situation, let alone remained in it. He could’ve weaselled his way out or told the other off and have a less stressful life but _nooooo_ – he endured it all and although there were times where he was actually mad at Bokuto, he maintained his poker face and kept his rage at a minimum. Again, for reasons unclear, Bokuto highly valued Akaashi’s opinions and every praise that came out of the setter’s mouth sounded like a choir of angels singing (Komi’s words, not Akaashi’s). Said setter wasn’t very affected since he learned quickly and he was fast to catch up on people’s quirks. With Bokuto and his unpredictable mood swings, every day became not-so monotonous anymore.

“Akaashi dear, Koutarou-kun’s here!” Akaashi’s mother called out.

Upon hearing so, Fukurodani’s setter went down the stairs where he was greeted by a smile too bright and too chipper.

“O-ha-yo!!!”

“Ah, good morning.” Akaashi said with a curt nod. “We’ll be leaving now, mom.”

As they exited the house – and Koutarou frantically waving goodbye at Akaashi’s mom – Akaashi turned to face the boy.

“Bokuto-san, you can always ring the doorbell. I told you that before.”

The other raised a brow before shrugging. “I was about to, but your mom saw me before I had the chance. Seems pretty dumb to ring the doorbell when she already invited me in.”

 _‘You did that once though.’_ “Alright. Don’t be a stranger.”

Koutarou laughed. “Geez, were you always so formal, Akaashi?”

There it was – the normal usage of his name. Just when he was used to having his name butchered, Bokuto resorted to call him with the proper intonation. No more exaggerated _“Akaaaashi”_ or _“Aghkaashi!”_ Just a normal “Akaashi.”

….

It was quite unnerving, if Akaashi was being completely honest.

 _‘What’s his game?’_ The setter thought before he dismissed the issue. Perhaps Bokuto was only being his erratic self again.

The two walked in silence – once more, another thing Akaashi wasn’t used to – until they came across a burned-down house. The walls were completely blackened with ash and the roof looked like it had been pelted with lava. No trace of the lawn was left nor was the desperate attempt to escape. The thought of the fire completely consuming the residents without remorse and without giving any chance of survival sent a shiver down Akaashi’s spine.

“I still can’t believe something like this happened!” Koutarou began. “Even if a month had passed, the tragedy that took place here still haunts everyone.”

Akaashi couldn’t blame him. What happened to this residence was quite traumatic and all it took was a slip of the hands and a single matchstick to cause a combustion. Word has it that one resident near-by was lighting a candle during a black-out and the matchstick unfortunately fell out of hands and onto a gas tank near-by. In a matter of milliseconds, fire consumed the area and brought the residents to hell. It was just a theory, though, since no one lived to tell the tale. However, Akaashi couldn’t forget the sight of the flames raising itself higher and higher as red and yellow painted the night sky and engulfed the houses.

If death wasn’t so macabre, it would’ve been seen as a fireworks show.

“Maaan…that’s really unfortunate! I heard that one of the victims was a student!” Koutarou said, smirked, and faced Akaashi. “Say I was that student….what would you do?”

Akaashi halted. _If Bokuto **died!?**_

God, he wouldn’t know what to do – even with all the countermeasures he thought of.

Instinctively, the setter moved closer to his companion and subconsciously looked around for any signs of possible threat or danger, unaware of the worried look the other gave him.

“I was just kidding, man.” Koutarou mumbled.

He wasn’t heard though. Akaashi was too deep in thought.

_‘Bokuto dying – that wouldn’t happen any time soon. He’s much too young. He still has to graduate and go to college. He hasn’t made a decision yet, and he’s asking me for my opinion. I still haven’t told him…’_

“Akaashi?”

“……”

The walk was quiet – as if there was only one individual and not two.

 

_Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith_

 

Classes passed-by Akaashi like strangers on the street. Robotically, the black-haired teen took down notes while occasionally answering questions asked by the teacher. It was a rinse and repeat process until the last period came. After that, he’s off to the gym for volleyball practice. Usually, Bokuto would get Akaashi from his classroom and merrily dragged the younger boy to the gym, all while narrating idiotic whatnots. These past weeks, however, the unpredictable male hadn’t appeared to do his routine so oftentimes Akaashi found himself companionless. Sure he has friends outside the volleyball club but majority of his time was spent with Bokuto, so not having him around was a disruption and it felt out of place.

Funny…it was as if Bokuto – the extraneous variable in his monotonous life – had become a constant factor. Without his presence, the setter’s activities felt unorganized and as if something was missing. The one person who altered Akaashi’s quiet lifestyle was simultaneously the person who gave stability and a reason for Akaashi to look forward to another day.

Life was a rinse and repeat cycle, but he made it an adventure – a day worth getting through.

With a sigh, Fukurodani’s setter opened the door to their clubroom.

 _‘Huh…I’ve arrived earlier than usual.’_ Akaashi thought. He shouldn’t be surprised; after all, Bokuto wasn’t around to do his mini stops on every vending machine encountered.

He was pulled out of his thoughts once another person entered the room. Said person stopped his whistling.

“Oh, Akaashi! You’re here already?”

The setter just hummed in response. He didn’t feel like talking to Bokuto right now. Everything about the team’s ace seemed so wrong nowadays. It was like he wasn’t even talking to Bokuto.

He was talking to a stranger.

“Bokuto-san, if you have a something on your mind, tell me.” Akaashi began. _‘You always do. Even if I shouldn’t hear it, even if it’s just asking for cash so you could buy three sandwiches, you always told me. Well, you used to.’_

“I don’t have anything bothering me right now.” Koutarou responded. “But, uh, thanks man.”

That was enough for Akaashi. For now.

“So what’s today’s agenda?” Aforementioned male asked.

Koutarou shrugged. “Beats me. Probably the same.”

The setter raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

Now it was the other’s turn to look confused. “What do _you_ mean?”

Slight irritation made Akaashi scrunched his nose. “You’re the captain. Next to the coach, you have the authority to give us drills and such.”

Koutarou’s face was unreadable. “…isn’t that your job as vice-captain, Akaashi? I’m not in the position to do anything like that.”

Before Akaashi could ask, the rest of the team entered the clubroom. Akaashi decided to continue his business with Bokuto later and changed into his jersey. Once he was through, he noticed something peculiar.

“Bokuto-san.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you wearing the number 12?”

“What are you talking about? This had always been my jersey number since the start of the practice!”

Akaashi was confused. _‘Since the start of the practice…?’_

“What’s the commotion?” Konoha asked. Akaashi turned to face him. Below Konoha’s jersey number was the stripe which identified him to be the team captain.

But wasn’t Bokuto the team captain?

“Maybe Akaashi’s not feeling well today. Or maybe even since the last few weeks. I got him out of the house and walked with him to school like you told me to, but he’s been acting really weird! He’s even treating me weirdly!” Koutarou exclaimed. “For instance, why does he keep on calling me ‘Bokuto-san?’ Who is he? Is he a friend?”

Koutarou seemed so confused. And so did Akaashi.

The team fell into an uneasy disposition as the new captain of Fukurodani sighed. “Akaashi, we’ve talked about this, remember? I…I don’t want to repeat it.”

“……”

It took exactly 5 seconds for realization to punch Akaashi on the gut.

He was in denial.

He lived long enough in denial that he was able to convince himself that every day was repetitive, and that everyone was together, and that no one was taken away.

He even tricked himself into believing that Bokuto Koutarou was still alive.

“I…I need some air.”

For the first time in his life, Akaashi Keiji didn’t know what to do.

So he ran.

Repetitive. The events in his life were so repetitive that he thought everything stayed and was the same. After waking up to the sound of his alarm clock going off, eating breakfast which his mother had prepared, brushing his teeth, getting dressed for school, and waiting for the doorbell to be rung, he failed to realize that the person on the other side wasn’t Bokuto but a new member of the team who happened to be named Koutarou. Upon joining the volleyball club, Koutarou was automatically the new wing spiker and he was even seen as an ace due to the powerful spikes he delivered. Akaashi wasn’t entirely sure how the two of them got acquainted because he thought he was still talking to Bokuto. They had similarities such as the enthusiastic vibe and cramming over a test yet Koutarou was nothing like _Bokuto_ Koutarou. Akaashi initially thought that perhaps “Bokuto” was just being his moody self, but as things progressed, the setter concluded that his companion might have a serious problem which brought about change. It was only now that he knew what he was really dealing with.

He wasn’t talking to Bokuto. He was talking to a stranger.

Now that he was aware, it deeply saddened him that mornings were going to be quieter without the loud ‘hey hey hey!’ he was so used to hearing.

 

_I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away_

_..._ _I just need one good one to stay_

 


End file.
